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Sound Off: Table of Contents
Sound Off: Judge J writings
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2004 Democratic Convention
submitted by: Barry Sussman
The scene was Boston's Fleet Center, and it was the 2004 Democratic
convention. I was there because I conned my way in as a journalist with
credentials provided by an old girlfriend who was living in the area and
working as a contributor to a local news letter. Having Department of
Defense ID was a great skid greaser for getting credentials to get on
the convention floor.
So I'm hanging out outside the Fleet Center ready to pounce upon major douche bag, Bill Kristol. My question for the douche bag Kristol
was: "At what age did you first realize you had an unnatural attraction
to man ass?" I never got to harass Kristol because I spotted Lewis
Black and decided to talk to him instead. At this point my left leg was
getting numb from a 40 year old Vietnam injury.
 But the numb leg was secondary to chatting with Lewis. I introduce myself and
was surprised to learn that Lewis in person is not the same guy who's
on stage and performing. The Vietnam Veteran hat has a disarming effect
sometimes. We just had a brief chat about Bush sucking Don
King's............(There's an image for you.), and Lewis suggested we
take a photo together. I told him it would go a long way to pacifying my
wife, another big Lewis Black fan, who wasn't exactly pleased that I was
spending four days with an old girlfriend, albeit without spit swapping.
A brief explanation about that The Bush/Don King business. It refers to a rumor I was trying to start. To perpetuate it I even I
followed Al Franken into the men's room and asked him if he saw the
pictures of Bush giving Don King a blow job. Al said it couldn't be true
and I told him he was right but bet that he couldn't get that image out
of his head. He agreed and replied with a sarcastic and disgusted
"thanks a lot."
A few months later we got the last two tickets to see Lewis at the
Community Theater in Morristown, N.J....on opposite ends of the farthest
reaches of the balcony.
I brought the picture from the convention with the hope of getting Lewis
to sign it. After the show, ever the Jewish huckster, Lewis Black hawked
CDs and signed autographs in the lobby. This was shortly after Stephen
Colbert, on The Daily Show, informed the world his real name was Ted
Hitler in response to gay male prostitute, Jeff Gannon (AKA James
Guckert), posing as a White House reporter. As Lewis was signing my
picture I said "I knew Ted Hitler. Ted Hitler was a friend of mine.
You're no Ted Hitler." Lewis got a good laugh, and I get to say I made
one of the country's top (and my favorite) comic(s) laugh.
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